Chapter 2
The search for the pea green station wagon.

In the movie RV, Robin Williams traded plane tickets for an RV rental so he could take his family on a cross country journey. I imagined trading our broken mini-van for a new, giant van that had all the modern bells and whistles!

Our current van was a giant mistake, and I was sure not to be taken by another salesman. I did my research. I determined what I was willing to pay per month, how much I would put down, and how much I wanted for a trade-in. So, as we drove to the dealership, I lectured Linda on what we would and would not do. I would be in control of the deal this time. All Linda needed to do was stay quit let me do all the talking!

When we arrived, Linda dutifully let me be in control. I told the salesman I was interested in two vans: a silver 2008, and if we couldn't afford that, a blue 2006. After a test drive, he showed us a brand new red 2008 that had all the bells and whistles. "OK," I said confidently, "Lets see what the red 2008 would cost too."

Our Salesman, Mr. Tobacco, went to talk with his manager. I don't know why sales guys always talk to their managers, and leave you waiting for twenty minutes. I guess there is a long line at the manager’s office, and our sales guy has to argue really hard for us. Tobacco returned with two prices. "The new Red one is $430 per month."

I laughed, "OK, that isn't happening." I made it clear, I wanted the monthly payment to be under $250.

"We are in luck then, the silver van is only $285 per month." Looking back, I understand the sales tactics. But sitting there at the moment, I didn't see what was happening. They knew we couldn't afford the most expensive van on the lot - this was just for contrast. Luckily it didn't work - I was on my game!

"We can't afford that. Besides, you did 72 months on a used van, I'm not doing more then 60. Lets talk about that blue 2006."

Tobacco thought fast, "I don't want to sell you something you don't want. How can we make this work? Could you put more money down? Could you go to, say, $260 per month?"

At that point, I cracked. I looked to Linda and she gave me the “You are in charge, Mr. Man,” look. I looked back to Tobacco and without my knowledge, the initiative shifted to the salesman. He presented me something I wanted and then told me I couldn't have it - a standard salesman ploy and I fell for it! "OK," I offered, "Throw on another $500 down, but it has to be under $260/mo.”

After another trip from the manager's office, Tobacco explained "I can get your payment between $240 and $259 if you go 66 months instead of 60."

I really didn't want to go beyond 5 years... but what's another six months? I looked to Linda and she was clearly taking a hands-off approach, “What ever you want, *dear*,” she said sarcastically.

I had lost the initiative and was now nerves. "I need to take another look at the van." Linda and I went outside and looked the van over one more time, then returned.

"What did you decide?" Mr. Tobacco asked.

I still wasn't sure where this was going to land financially and had a hundred questions. "Let's try the 66 months" I started.

To my surprise, Tobacco stood with hand outstretched "Congratulations Mr. Gilbert on purchasing a van." I just did what? "How would to like to take care of the down payment?"

Still shocked, I handed him my credit card. I guess we just agreed to buy the van! The shock wore off and was replaced with excitement! We just bought a van!

When Tobacco left with my credit card, I stood and did my happy dance 'we just bought a va-a-a-an!'

I looked to my lovely bride to join the celebration and found her sitting with arms folded. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing," she frowned.

The celebration was crashing. "Come on! We just bought a van. We need to celebrate!," I explained.

Tobacco returned with my credit card receipt. "There are several people in line before you at the business office, so, I'll take care of all the details and call the bank on Monday so you don’t have to wait." Gee, that was nice of him!

With that, Tobacco took us to the exit, congratulated us, and pushed us out the front door.

I was still living high from my celebration and doing my happy dance as we walked back to our car. "What did we just do?" Linda asked.

"We just bought a Va-aa-an" I sung.

We got in the car and started driving away. "Yes. But what did we just buy?"

"I don't understand the question."

"How much does the van cost?"

I couldn't understand why she was being so silly. "The van cost between $240 and $259 per month."

"Yes, but which one? What was the final price on the van? Does that include an extended warranty? What did we just buy?" The logic of her questions was depressing. "You broke all of your rules. You went longer than 5 years, you put too much down, and you went to high on the monthly payment. Do you know you are paying them $200 to take our trade-in?" Wow, was I in the same room with her? Why didn't I see any of this? "You are such a sucker and that guy just ripped you off!" What happened?
Sadly, I called the dealership’s business office and confirmed everything Linda had just told me. Linda continued to rub it in, “We don’t have time to continue shopping. If we don’t take this deal, we’ll have to get the old van repaired!” And there it was… Mr. Man crumbles into his typical failure.

And so it was. I canceled the deal and we decided to repair the old van. When we returned home, I needed to take the van to the mechanic so he could begin the repairs. However, when I turned the van’s ignition, the engine made two clicks and failed to start! Oh no…. I don’t like where this is going!


‘Holiday Roooooo oh oh oh oh oh oh oad. Holiday Roooooo oh oh oh oh oh oh oad.’

Ahhhhh... memories of Clark Groswold's cross-country trek to Walley World dance through my head. Loading the family into their new pea-green station wagon, Clark headed out into classic movie history. Who can forget that theme song? http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=8493&aid=19

There I was, sitting in a meeting at work when conversation drifted off topic and onto Disney. "Have you seen the great deal Disney is offering?" Nick mentioned. "Buy 4 nights, get 3 free. It includes park tickets and a $200 gift card for only $1200!"

Immediately, my mind raced through the financials. I have used a Disney Credit card for years, earning 1% toward a Disney vacation. I had built $1050 worth of points. That, plus the gift card equals FREE DISNEY VACATION!

It took absolutely no convincing Linda - she would live at Disney if she could. If we could simply get to Disney, we could have a free vacation. The economy is difficult, so, our goal? Minimize costs. We'll drive instead fly. And eat picnic lunches, poptarts for breakfast, and McDonald's dollar meals for dinner. Driving would be 48-hours of “stop touching me!” caged quality family time. I was on the fence about affording the trip, so, I asked Linda to book it (before the vacation offer expired) during the February break so long as we could cancel it. This would allow us to think about it. We could take our time to weigh the costs and consider our options.

Before Christmas, Linda booked the vacation. While at the Disney web site, she selected an offer to have Mickey Mouse call the kids on Christmas to wish them Merry Christmas! On Christmas morning, while the kids were unwrapping gifts and the Disney Parade is on TV, the phone rang and it was Mickey Mouse. We put Mickey on speaker phone: "Merry Christmas Kids! I just heard you are coming to visit me at Disney World. I look forward to seeing you then!"

My jaw dropped - what did Mickey just say? The kid's eyes lit up and they screamed "We are going to Disney!" My jaw was still dropped – what did Mickey just say?

"We are?" I asked in disbelief. We had simply made a reservation, but hadn't decided. I guess Mickey made the decision for us – as far as the kids were concerned: we were going to Disney!

My daughter used her new cell phone (Christmas Present) to immediately text to all of her friends “We are going to Disney!”

Our phone rang again. This time it was our friend Lisa. “I hear you are going to Disney for the February Break”

“Uhm, yep. I guess news travels fast.”

“I just talked to my husband,” Lisa explained, “and asked if we could go with you and he said we could!”

This was very unexpected. It’s great – we’ve known Lisa for 12 years, her daughter is best friends with our daughter, she’s the godmother of one of my sons. My delayed enthusiasm was the slow realization that something out of my control was happening very quickly. This Disney dream was suddenly a done deal and I still hadn’t had my first cup of coffee.

“We can stay at the same resort and have adjoining rooms,” Lisa suggested.

“Oh…,” I tried to process what I was hearing, “I… I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” My youngest son can be a bit of a terror and difficult to control. He would easily victimize our friends. Besides – we aren’t early risers. We usually get to the Disney parks around noon or 1 in the afternoon. Lisa is a rise-and-shine kinda 7am person.

“Don’t worry about it. It’ll be fine. I’ll just tell Disney that Linda and I are sisters.”

The movement of time during the past days (or has it been weeks?) is a blur. You can’t simply go to Disney – this is a major event requiring significant planning. Where are we going? What are we doing? How do we get there? What time will Donald Duck be standing on the corner of the park we’ll be attending and what angle will the sunlight be to obtain the perfect photograph of our children hugging Donald and screaming “We Love Disney!”? All this has to be carefully and meticulously planned in advance. Does the Turkey sandwich at the ABC Commissary at the Hollywood Studios Park (formally MGM) have tomatoes? Because we don’t like tomatoes and can you special order one without? You need to know these things weeks in advance of going! If the fireworks end at 8:30, will we return from the park in time to get Margaritas at the resort so we can drink ourselves into a slosh before closing time? There are many essential things that must be carefully calculated and planned into precise itineraries. Because if you don’t, you end up wandering through the flood of people, standing in massive lines, and never really doing anything.


Nearly 4 years ago, I wanted to go to Hershey Pennsylvania on vacation. I hadn’t had a vacation in years, and by God – this was going to be a good one. To make the trip, we needed a van. So, we foolishly and impulsively purchased a piece of junk that had a big price tag. We bought it for all the bells and whistles because it had the complete extra package. “Nice radio… good paint job… lets buy it!” The van has been nothing but trouble, and we are still paying on the 5-year loan!

Tom (Lisa’s husband) is an engineer and a hobby mechanic who has done repairs on our van. “Is your van going to make it to Florida?” he asked one morning at breakfast.

“If our van can’t drive another 3 thousand miles”, I proudly explained, “then we have bigger problems then whether or not it’ll get us to Florida!”

Tom is a good friend, so, he didn’t question the logic of my statement. He probably should have because we decided to get the van checked out to make sure it could make the trip. The garage called back with a laundry list of problems and a repair estimate that made the dollars start to curl.

“You know,” Linda responded to my tirade at the estimate, “there are some great deals on new vans. We could trade-in the van and drive to Florida in a brand new van!” A new van? What happened to keeping this trip cheap? I don’t like where this is heading….

Didn’t Clark Grisswald go to Wallyworld in a brand new station wagon? All we need to do if find a pea-green mini-van and we’ll be all set!

‘Holiday Roooooo oh oh oh oh oh oh oad. Holiday Roooooo oh oh oh oh oh oh oad.’